Survivor of Christmas here :-D

I do love Christmas. I don't mean the over-full present-buying frenzy that takes over even the least materialistic of us. I mean the intention of relaxation, love full  days with those we cherish. And want to spend time with. For many of us duty has to take precedence of course, at least for a little while over the season and there's nothing wrong with that. After all this isn't a season which purports to be selfish. And surely often the giving of our time even to those we'd rather not is all part of the parcel, no matter how it's wrapped.

I'm lucky I do get to spend real time with lovely loving people and for that I'm very grateful. This poem came out of a beginning about being stretched thin by others' expectations and became a poem (as all mine seem to at the moment) about love. 

GUM

I was stretched, 

like gum pulled thin,

two thumbs pressed

at either end

of a chewed up piece

and pulled until a string formed

between two opposing wills.

The taut fragile line

folded up, 

slung low under a full belly

and an even fuller moon.

You pulled me apart,

snapped past my elastic limit,

in a night drenched garden

under an alcove built especially for two.

Us two, in fact -

you with your hollow rimmed edge 

and me,

exploring what your mind meant 

when it spoke of love.

For your frilly words filled a tiny pocket

in the smallest part of my heart

and as my blood pulsed through it, 

it whispered of a start.

The Darkest Day

Just a quick post today as I wander out into the darkest night to enjoy some yule mulled wine on the streets of Totnes. 

Wishing you all a light filled season whatever your religious beliefs or lack thereof. All I really wish for this time of year is a ceasefire to the fighting and for us all to live in a safer, fairer more sustainable way. Here's a poem to ponder as I think, inevitably, on this darkest day of fear, illusions and shadows. 

Merry solstice to all xxx

Much love Kate x

SOLSTICE ON THE 22nd

On a pivot point
we spin, reaching
higher, eyes wider,
stretched to understand
that somehow there’s a plan,
a fundamental place
to safely land.

From the darkest well
we gaze on stars,
as the moon travels past,
taking with it night
after night, and replacing
with light, recycling
our wishes for a home in a jar.

Still we spin, silently weaving
fragile futures, placing coins
in boxes, pretending that
a prosperous spring will protect,
that all is not lost. A cynic once said
that optimism is born of fear,
in this darkest day of the year.

LOVE

So, I'm reaching the end of 2015 with clenched teeth in a permanent smile and a chest full of deliciousness. It sometimes feels that love such as is flowing through me these days is too good for me. Even though I know secretly that I'll embrace it because when I feel it I can let if flow out of me and touch everyone I connect with. If that feeling is even a tiny bit contagious then let it come...

It also means that I'm feeling everything to the max at the moment. Which is no bad thing for a poet and writer, but does mean that everyday living can be game of emotion tennis... volleying each ball as it enters my side of the court. 

Yesterday I visited my mother's house for the last time. She died 19 years ago and since then my sister and I have been kind of stuck in limbo. My mother's new husband (only a year into marriage) was allowed to live in our family home until he saw fit to leave. This year he died and the home where we grew up, became ours again. Back in June when I first entered it again, it felt like all trace of her (and my dad) who died 7 years before her, was gone. Her husband had chucked away all that was hers and had left the house an empty shell. I felt nothing but sadness that he'd treated her, in the end, with so little respect. So, fast forward six months to now, and the house sale finally going through. I stepped back in again and while standing in the kitchen I was bombarded by memories. Mostly of our family christmases when my dad was alive, that year after year we celebrated in the tiny kitchen. 

It felt good to have some glimpses again of a past which did have some happiness infused within them. It gave me, this empath, a pathway to start a different type of grieving process... Here's a poem that is the  beginning, I think, of something bigger.

DEAD
They say the dead
leave fragments
but they’re wrong.
What’s left is visuals
sunk in shadows. 

Spits of sound appear and
with each slight turn of head,
glimpses of light
and the smell of bleach.

They say they leave
pain and agony
but they’re wrong.
What’s left is a room
stuffed to the rafters
with laughter infused
with the cheapest sherry,
newly papered walls
fresh and ready for Christmas.

Each year, a dusty tree
extracted from the downstairs cupboard,
silverfish shaken
from its wire branches. 

And she, bending each arm
to make a tree-like shaped thing,
covered in no time
with bits and bobs pulled out of school bags
year after year with a flourish.

They say the dead
leave fragments,
and if they mean love
that inflates like a balloon
expanding your heart
until it bursts out of your eyes,
they are half right.